A few days after Fifi passed away I sent a text to my dear friends at Fresno Humane Animal Services and Animal Compassion Team. I had been pulling dogs from them for some time and I knew if I was going to find a second dog they could recommend a good one. I got a text a couple of days later about a shy long haired chihuahua named Chloe. They had been working with her for some time and they thought she would be a good fit for me. I decided to pull some dogs from their shelter so I could bring her to Santa Barbara. If it didn’t work out with me than I knew I could find her a good home with someone else.
A few days later I found myself driving north to bring Chloe and a few other dogs back to our shelter. The minute I saw her she came to the front of her crate to greet me. She was definitely hesitant but seemed to trust me right away. After loading the dogs into my car we began our two hour drive back to the Humane Society. I stopped at In-N-Out Burger to grab some lunch and as soon as she smelled fries we became friends. I spent most of the drive glancing over at her. Often I found she was staring right back at me. And that is when I knew that I had fallen in love with this little dog.
I took her home on a trial basis to see if she would be a good fit for me. She got along well with Toby and quickly won over everyone she met. That night she snuggled up next to me and fell asleep. My heart instantly felt full. Needless to say the next day I signed the appropriate paperwork and made the adoption official. Chloe became Piper and also became a part of my family. I know Fifi would want me to make room in my heart for another dog that needs me. My grief will never fully go away and I will never find another dog like her but Piper brought such joy to my life in such a short amount of time. And so another adventure begins…
A lot of times when people come in to look at our adoption dogs it is because they are looking to replace one they have lost. I have heard tons of stories about dogs that are no longer with us. I always sympathized with people…listening intently and comforting them when needed. Soon I began to wonder how I would handle such a horrible situation but the truth is nothing prepared me for losing my own dog.
If you go a few posts back I told the story of how I adopted Fifi. She stole my heart almost instantly and I knew she was meant to be in my life. Just after midnight on June 22 she took her last breath and the grief that followed was nothing I could have ever expected. The day following her death I couldn’t leave the couch. I didn’t eat. I just cried and cried. It didn’t take long before I got an outpouring of support from friends and family. It meant so much to me that so many people knew how much I loved her and how special she was. The almost 5 years that I had we were practically inseparable and I felt a huge void when she was gone. I wanted nothing more than to hold her again, pet her and smell the fur on the top of her head.
Grief is a strange thing and some days are better than others. There are times when the loss of my sweet baby girl weighs so heavily on me I feel like I can’t breath. But I wouldn’t trade our time together for anything in the world. And I can’t thank Fifi enough for choosing me to be her mom.
Soulmates come in many forms. In romance. In friendship. And yes, even in our pets. Those of us in animal welfare often find those and bring them home. But at some point our homes are full and that means that we meet these amazing animals and have to be okay with the fact that they cannot be yours.
Fran was just that for me. She was a spunky little thing that bonded with me instantly and I felt an insane connection with her that I had only felt with my own two dogs. I would come into work on weekends just to take her hiking or on walks or just to spend time with her. It didn’t take long before I started thinking about adopting her. I knew having three dogs would be hard but I would figure it out. I simply couldn’t imagine her going home with anyone but me. And that is when her future owner came in. He was looking for a companion because he was retiring and he said that Fran was exactly what he was looking for. He visited her for a month before taking her home. I’ll never forget watching her walk out the door. Tears welled up in my eyes and I was shocked how heartbroken I felt. Selfishly I wished that it would have been me taking her home but I knew that she would be extremely loved and spoiled with her new family. So I knew I had to let her go.
I have seen her a couple of times since then. She is happy and totally bonded with her owner. There have been other dogs that I have been close to but none compare to Fran. I’ll always think of her fondly and she’ll have a little piece of my heart.
Sometimes I have to be realistic that not every animal that comes through our shelter will have a happy adoption ending. Sometimes things don’t end the way I want them to. That is just the realistic side of working with homeless animals. And it is also one of the hardest things to deal with.
In my 7 years working at an animal shelter I have seen dogs and cats be put down for both health and behavioral issues. And each time it tears me apart. I’ll never forget the first dog I had bonded with that we had to euthanize. Her health deteriorated quickly and we could see she was suffering. So when we made the decision to put her to sleep I sat with her as she crossed over, just so that she knew how loved she was. There have been others since her that still make me tear up thinking about them, even though it is years later.
It must be hard for those pets that have to end their lives without an owner. It has become my routine to be with them as they pass. Hold them. Love them. Let them know that their memory will live on. Because that’s what they deserve. And when it’s over I spread their ashes somewhere beautiful. Someplace where their soul can be free.
I never thought about having more than one dog. Toby was such a handful that I couldn’t even imagine it. At the time I lived in a studio and there was barely enough room for the two of us let alone another furry friend. And then Fifi came along…
I remember the first time I saw her. My coworker was carrying her over for her intake veterinary exam. She mentioned in passing that she was a sweet dog but so scared. Days went by and she never left the crate that she lived in. I felt sorry for her. And then one day she got brave. In fact, maybe a little too brave. I heard someone yell that there was a little dog running around. I ran to the area they were talking about. The minute she locked eyes on me she came running and leaped right into my arms. I knew at that moment I was in trouble.
She was put in a kennel that faced my office door. Periodically I would look out my window to see what she was doing. Inevitably she was always staring in my direction, like she was willing the door to open. I tried to deny the fact that I was falling in love with this sassy fluff ball but it really hit me the day someone decided they wanted her too. I immediately contacted my landlord and asked if I could have another dog. He told me no and I was beyond devastated. But after some convincing he changed his mind. So I brought Fifi home. Almost 4 years later I look at her every day and feel thankful that she decided she wanted to be my dog.